“Not all who wander are lost”
– J. R. R. Tolkien
In Part I, we discussed the importance of committing to the process of becoming the man you were created to be. We noted that this is a long-term campaign, not a quick trip to the corner store. Now, I want to expand on the critical components of an effective transformation.
Engage the gears and it will function like clockwork
Get healed and live close to your heart
Author and speaker Gordon Dalbey says, “Before Jesus can put you on the front lines, he has to put you in his hospital.” Nearly all of us have been wounded just by living in a fallen world. To be able to overcome the challenges and setbacks that will come your way, it’s important to take the wounds from your past to your Father in Heaven. The time you spend working through this with God will pay great dividends. He wants to heal you, but you must be willing to endure the pain of walking it through it with Him. Note: In addition to Gordon Dalbey’s book Healing The Masculine Soul, I recommend John Eldredge’s Wild At Heart. These are two of the best.
Author and speaker Gordon Dalbey says, “Before Jesus can put you on the front lines, he has to put you in his hospital.” Nearly all of us have been wounded just by living in a fallen world. To be able to overcome the challenges and setbacks that will come your way, it’s important to take the wounds from your past to your Father in Heaven. The time you spend working through this with God will pay great dividends. He wants to heal you, but you must be willing to endure the pain of walking it through it with Him. Note: In addition to Gordon Dalbey’s book Healing The Masculine Soul, I recommend John Eldredge’s Wild At Heart. These are two of the best.
Have a sense of destiny
Good news: If you belong to God through Christ Jesus, your destiny is to become — in your own unique way — more like Him. The spiritual process of becoming more Christ-like is called sanctification, and that is something God does in us. Our efforts in this regard are somewhat like trying to spend Australian dollars in Austria. That is, we don’t have the right stuff to make this happen by our efforts. This is a relief for those who grasp it, as it’s a simpler process when you simply let God love you.
Good news: If you belong to God through Christ Jesus, your destiny is to become — in your own unique way — more like Him. The spiritual process of becoming more Christ-like is called sanctification, and that is something God does in us. Our efforts in this regard are somewhat like trying to spend Australian dollars in Austria. That is, we don’t have the right stuff to make this happen by our efforts. This is a relief for those who grasp it, as it’s a simpler process when you simply let God love you.
Be in the company of men
As we have noted elsewhere, your friends are your destiny. Your values and your choices will, over time, resemble those of the people who wield the greatest influence over you. For most of us, those would be our friends.
Thriving, authentic masculinity is not designed to be a solitary pursuit. There is no such thing as the Lone Ranger: Did you notice that even he had Tonto? To realize your potential, you need a small number of fully alive men who will bring out the best in you, and whom you can encourage the same way. Men thrive in the company of men — “iron sharpens iron” as the Good Book says — and this implies that you must get past the surface. Avoid isolation — it doesn’t lead anywhere good.
Remain anchored in community
In our church we emphasize spiritual growth in the context of small groups called LifeGroups. In addition to making a larger church more welcoming, these groups provide opportunities for a dozen or so people to get beyond the façade — the polite, polished public exterior that is oh, so proper — to accomplish three main objectives:
In our church we emphasize spiritual growth in the context of small groups called LifeGroups. In addition to making a larger church more welcoming, these groups provide opportunities for a dozen or so people to get beyond the façade — the polite, polished public exterior that is oh, so proper — to accomplish three main objectives:
To know and care for one another
To encourage one another and to grow spiritually
To unite in purpose and to commit to action that creates a beneficial impact in the community.
We’re made for relationships. To be the man you were created to be, part of your process must include being anchored in community. Lather, rinse repeat.
Get the proper tools
Here are a few other tools that can keep you on track and moving toward the realization of your purpose:
- Become awesome at something – If you sing, always have a go-to song prepared. If you play an instrument, learn a couple of pieces cold, and be ready to kill it on demand. You say you’re good at card tricks? If you are able to study a topic or rehearse with focus for an hour a day, you can be an expert in a year. What do you want to have in your repertoire next year at this time?
- Build confidence – Cultivating a series of genuine accomplishments prepares you for bigger future challenges. What keeps you from trying?
- Conquer fear – Most of us are afraid to fail. I have found that I can conquer stubborn fears by thinking through the worst that can happen and then asking myself, “What then?” Try it.
- Build your body and your mind – You don’t have to spend hours in the gym, and you don’t have to spend entire weekends in the library — unless you’re a full-time student. If your budget doesn’t permit a YMCA membership, check out bodyweight exercises. There are lots of great workouts that don’t require any gym equipment.And as for building your brain, get one of the classics and challenge yourself to read just ten pages a day. Don’t rush — enjoy the pace and read for maximum comprehension.
- Develop your sense of style and OWN it – Find out what types and cuts of clothing fit you best and go deep with them. Although it’s generally not a good idea to buy, say, the same pair of pants in every color they make, it is better to look good every day, than it is to look different every day. (Women love a man in uniform, don’t they?) Consider your career and your aspirations and dress accordingly. Whatever your look is, own it completely, but don’t be afraid to adapt. Fashion changes, but style goes on.
Notice, we’ve worked from the inside out. This is the process you must follow to be the man you’re meant to be.
So how about you? What tools have you found most helpful as you embark on this process? Add your comments below.
Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic. Bring your best manners, please.