“Whoever digs a pit will fall into it,and a stone will come back on him who starts it rolling.” — Proverbs 26:27 (ESV)

By now you may have already heard about the news story broken by Rolling Stone magazine — a horrific tale of a brutal sexual assault on a female first-year student that allegedly took place in a fraternity house on the University of Virginia’s grounds.  From there it got worse, as the story alleged that the victim’s friends discouraged her from notifying the police, and that the university’s response when the victim came forward was, shall we say, inadequate.  However, in the unforgiving glare caused by the unfavorable publicity, UVA’s president suspended all fraternity activities until further notice.  There’s just one thing: the story printed in Rolling Stone wasn’t accurate.

Somebody should blow the whistle

Why talk about what didn’t happen?*

Two reasons: 1)  Young men need to understand the times in which they live — recognizing that some accusations are, in the minds of some journalists, too good to research.  And 2) Young men need to make sure their conduct is above reproach in every circumstance — and never more so than in their dealings with women.

Far from calling for an unthinking return to chivalry, this is a call for self awareness, self respect and self control.  If you are committed to maintaining a life of integrity, you will want to avoid even the appearance of wrongdoing.  This will not only preserve your reputation — and hers — but it will also help to shield you from the sorts of accusations being lobbed on college campuses these days.

As shocking as it may seem, there is no longer a presumption of innocence on many college campuses.  And many institutions of higher learning have done away with due process — eliminating, for example, the right of legal representation, of cross-examination, or even that of confronting one’s accuser.  Even if you’ve done no such thing, being on the receiving end of a rape accusation can nuke your college career for keeps.

Time-honored wisdom

Recently, I published a post regarding King Solomon’s advice to young men regarding the forbidden woman.  Here’s more wisdom from this ancient king:

“As I stood at the window of my house looking out through the shutters, Watching the mindless crowd stroll by, I spotted a young man without any sense Arriving at the corner of the street where she lived, then turning up the path to her house. It was dusk, the evening coming on, the darkness thickening into night. Just then, a woman met him— she’d been lying in wait for him, dressed to seduce him. Brazen and brash she was, restless and roaming, never at home, Walking the streets, loitering in the mall, hanging out at every corner in town.

“She threw her arms around him and kissed him, boldly took his arm and said, “I’ve got all the makings for a feast— today I made my offerings, my vows are all paid, So now I’ve come to find you, hoping to catch sight of your face—and here you are! I’ve spread fresh, clean sheets on my bed, colorful imported linens. My bed is aromatic with spices and exotic fragrances. Come, let’s make love all night, spend the night in ecstatic lovemaking! My husband’s not home; he’s away on business, and he won’t be back for a month.

“Soon she has him eating out of her hand, bewitched by her honeyed speech. Before you know it, he’s trotting behind her, like a calf led to the butcher shop, Like a stag lured into ambush and then shot with an arrow, Like a bird flying into a net not knowing that its flying life is over.

“So, friends, listen to me, take these words of mine most seriously. Don’t fool around with a woman like that; don’t even stroll through her neighborhood. Countless victims come under her spell; she’s the death of many a poor man. She runs a halfway house to hell, fits you out with a shroud and a coffin.”  Proverbs 7:6-27 (The Message)

We should take a moment to state categorically that some — but not all —  men do assault women. But we also must acknowledge that some — but not all — women lie and lob false accusations. In biblical language this is called bearing false witness (testifying falsely) against one’s neighbor. Taken with the cultural Marxist project to destroy men, a man under such suspicion cannot count on a fair hearing in the media. Hence this discussion about journalistic malpractice by Rolling Stone.

We’ve talked before about leading in the context of relationships — how you should set the tone and be the gatekeeper.  In this way, it’s on you to ensure you and your female companion are not in situations that will even appear illicit.  In the passage above, Solomon is saying the young man should not have allowed himself to be seduced.  This is my advice to you, too.

Understand that apart from marriage, the boundaries are blurry.  What you think is mutual consent could turn out to be an accusation that ruins your life.  No momentary pleasure is worth that.

Epilogue:  

To their credit the magazine, embarrassed,  pulled the story — all 10,000 words of it — apologizing for not researching the claims of the alleged victim more thoroughly.  Despite the retraction of this story, UVA did not reinstate fraternity activities with anything near the speed with which they suspended them.

So how about you?  How are you taking care to mind your reputation in the dating arena?  Add your comments below.

*Just because Rolling Stone’s account can’t withstand scrutiny, that doesn’t prove the young woman wasn’t assaulted.